if i can run in heels then i can drive
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
