So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
