her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
