I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
