her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
