and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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