If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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