What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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