His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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