I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was confusing and full of hummus
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
