I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
