I'm eating all of the evidence.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
