How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
