Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
