Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My liver just broke up with me...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
