then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
