So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
