her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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