This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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