Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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