i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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