there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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