I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
