it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
