What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
