There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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