honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
