you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
