You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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