she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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