you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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