i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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