Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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