fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She told me I should be a condom model.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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