My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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