Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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