I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize