Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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