Can Purell be used as lube?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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