Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
