in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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