Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
