My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
