If that was your dad, he is hot
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
