you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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