there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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