i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
