But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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