Sry I called you an 8
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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