I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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