do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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