Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
