im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
