I am puke
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
