All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
