i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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