Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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