After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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