You're earring is so big in my mouth
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
