if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
