Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
