I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize