i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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