oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
