Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
