And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
