Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
