It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Randomize