i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
