New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
