if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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