A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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