I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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