Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
