Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
